Broken Thoughts
by WaterWings617
Summary: A one-shot songfic to "Everything We Had" by The Academy Is. It;s Fang's thoughts about Max, basically, to the lyrics of the song.


**Hey everyone! I'm sorry I haven't updated Boston in a while, I'm trying to figure out the next chapter.**

**So, here's a rather long one-shot that I typed up today.**

**It's based on the song "Everything We Had" by The Academy Is. There's no actual Fax, But it's Fang relating the song to himself and Max. No, he's not listening to it. And it's kind of like the song describes… Oh, you'll get it once you read it. It's hard to explain.**

_You were the only face I'd ever known._

He had loved her from the moment he saw her. Maybe it was a gradual thing, but he knew at first glance he'd felt something. She was beautiful and strong, and strong was something he aspired to be. Even though she was a girl and only a month older, he looked up to her. He loved her.

When he closed his eyes, her face was the one behind his eyelids. He could never forget her. Her's was the only face he knew like the back of his hand.

He knew the back of his hand very well.

_  
I was the light from the lamp on the floor,  
and only as bright as you wanted me to be._

He faded in and out of focus, depending on how bright Max had wanted him in her life. When she was weak he shined brightest, but he hated seeing her that way. When she was weak he carried her and cared for her, but as soon as she was better he would fade into the background again.

He had never liked the spotlight.

But if it was for Max, he'd do it. He'd do anything.

_  
But, I am no gentleman, I can be a prick,  
and I do regret more than I admit._

At times he wasn't the kindest. Neither was Max. This was expected. They got testy with each other, and blew up sometimes. Or broke down. He never let anyone see him break down.

He regretted almost everything. He regretted becoming the strong and silent one, though his aspirations of being strong had been fulfilled. He hated that he was silent. He wished he had the nerve to just _talk _sometimes. He wished he could tell Max how he felt. He wished she understood. He wished a lot of things. He regretted things too.

There were only two things in his life he didn't regret: meeting The Flock and falling in love with Max.

No matter how much pain that last one had caused him, he didn't regret it. Not by a long shot.

_  
You have been followed back to the same place I sat with you drink for drink.  
Take the pain out of love and then love won't exist.  
_

He would follow her everywhere. He would go to the ends of the Earth and back as long as she was going too. The only time he didn't follow he was when she picked Ari. He understood now, though he hadn't then. He regretted this the most. He wasn't around to keep her safe, and she was captured.

He hated himself the whole time they were apart.

He knew about the pain love was causing him, but he kept inside. That was one good thing about being stoic. Max couldn't see what she was doing to him.

_  
Everything we had, everything we had,  
everything we had, everything we had is no longer there.  
_

He knew how they were changing, and he knew Max saw it too. They were tenser around each other, when they used to be open and carefree. It was because they both had feelings they couldn't share with the other. They both feared rejection too much. Him more than her, because it had happened to him before. Twice.

If she rejected him again, he feared he'd break.

_  
It was the only place I'd never known,  
Turned off the light on my way out the door._

Lately he'd been even more in the background. He realized Max didn't need him as much anymore. She was the fearless leader, he was just the sidekick. He wasn't bitter or angry, he just knew she could do it on her own.

She didn't need him.

_I will be watching wherever you go,  
through the eyes of a fly on the wall._

Though no matter how much she didn't need him, he'd always be there. Just waiting until a brain attack made her drop out of the sky. Then he'd swoop in and save her like he always had. He didn't feel forgotten, not at all. He just felt… faded.

Not like he wanted her to fall out of the sky. He knew how much that hurt.

_  
You have been followed back to the same place I sat with you drink for drink.  
Take the pain out of love and then love won't exist._

Love was a fickle thing. It made him act strangely. He didn't form sentences around anyone, but when Max and he were alone, they used to talk. Now he could hardly form coherent thoughts around Max, let alone speak his mind. All that would have come out would have been "I love you"s and "You're beautiful"s.

So he kept quiet, hoping Max would see it in his actions rather than his words.

If she knew… No, she couldn't. She'd reject him again.

And rejection hurt. Just like love.__

Everything we had, everything we had,  
everything we had, everything we had is no longer there, longer there.

Their childhood friendship was still present, and so was there amazing teamwork. They could still read each other like books.

But if they could read each other like books… Why couldn't she see how he felt?__

You saw for yourself, the way it played out.  
For you, I am blinded.  
For you, I am blinded, for you.  


He never saw any mistakes in her. And he refused to let her say she was one. That needed to be corrected. She was amazing and infallible. She could make everything look graceful, even her split second decisions. She was amazing. Absolutely amazing.

_  
I am no gentleman, I can be a prick.  
And I do regret more than I admit._

He regretted Lissa. She had a been a stupid idea. He had wanted to make Max jealous, but he had forgotten one little detail—Max would never admit her jealousy to anyone. Not even herself.

He thought she had softened up a little when he tried it with Bridget. But she was still hardened beyond belief and did not accept her feelings.

He had to break through her shell.

_  
You have been followed back to the same place I sat with you drink for drink.  
Take the pain out of love and then love won't exist.  
_

Love had broken him more than anything ever before. It had broken him even more than Ari. Getting beaten by Ari wasn't so bad, because Max had kissed him. This had given him hope.

Hope was stupid.

_  
Everything we had, everything we had,  
everything we had, everything we had.  
Everything we had, everything we had,  
everything we had...  
_

They had an unbreakable bond. It was still there, obviously, but weakened. If they could put everything out in the open, maybe it would fix itself.

_  
I'll be with you wherever you go,  
through the eyes of a fly on the wall._

He would follow her anywhere.

To the school and back, to make sure someone caught her when she fell. Because even leaders fall sometimes.

And everyone'll hit the ground once in a while unless love is there to catch them.

**It's a beautiful song, I really love it.**

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